A TURNING POINT

A Turning Point

            Every time I have a glimpse of the photograph hanging on one of the walls of our house, the passion, love and kindness are sparked off in my heart. An image of an important figure approximately 1.7 meters tall, a little fat, round and fat- faced with small round eyes reminds me of the days when I took all things from their literal perspective. It is my father. He was indeed a humorous and loving father. The photo, which had been taken when I was still very young, leaves me with a deep impression every moment I see it. It reminds me of a great struggle that I have had to undergo before I became mature not only in terms of age but also in terms of acceptance of moral responsibility.  

      It was really heartwarming how my father could usually set aside some of the days of my holidays to take me to see animals in one of the most renowned game parks in the United States. This really encouraged me to work even harder not to disappoint him in all that I did including my studies. I was the only child in our family. This was the result of the introduction of the one-child policy by the government of China. I enjoyed all the privileges of being the only child in my family. Every time I made mistakes, my dad could always threaten me by saying that he could get a younger brother or sister. I always feared being dethroned, because this would mean that the love that my parents had for me would be consequently shared among the other younger siblings that we would have. I could always break down into tears whenever I heard this from my dad and decisively refuted his proposal. 

            Although most of the times my dad had a humorous mood, sometimes he could scold me, especially when he thought that I was straying from the normality. I loved my dad more when I was a very young child, simply because of his commitment and dedication to make my life even better. He could always play with me the childhood games whenever I could not find my mates in our neighborhood. He was such a caring father. I loved to be escorted by him during my kindergarten studies. Every time I was with him, my self-esteem raised and I felt more confident that I was always doing the right thing. He was a perfectionist. He loved it when I could do all things in the right way.

      My parents decided to take me to a boarding school when I had reached the stage of going to the primary school. They had been employed in one of the major government firms in the country. Therefore, they were not able to care for me at that point, simply because they had more commitment at their workplace. I visited my home at most twice a month. My father used to give me a visit at least once a week. He always brought a lot of gifts and food for me. Furthermore, he made sure that he called me at least once in two days to know about my welfare. He would never forget to encourage me to be the best person – the one that he had wished me to be.

      The most significant change in my life took place when I was four years old. The intimate relationship between my father and me never lasted for many years. A trivial breakdown of our understanding for each other arose one day when we had gone for a Labor Day celebration on 1^st May, on one Saturday. My parents had taken me there to have fan together with other children on the mountain. There was a children adventure playground at the feet of the mountain. The day seemed very busy with millions of people in the streets and others in the playing ground. Though my parents had warned me not to get out of the place and had left me so that they could locate me easily, I decided to turn a deaf ear. My friends and I decided to move on the other side of the mountain so that we could see what was happening there. We were very curious as young children.

      I could not understand why my parents were that mean and not allowed me to explore like other children did. One of my young friends and I decided that we could not go beyond a certain limit. The other group of our mates decided to go to the town to witness what was happening there. Hardly could I understand that my parents were looking for me. As soon as we got out of the place where my parents had left me, we got lost and could not retrieve our way back. It took my parents five hours to find me. There was a large number of people everywhere, which hindered their endeavor.

      I finally spotted my father trying to pursue his way through the multitudes. I could see sweat rolling down his cheek as he attempted to seek for his lost daughter. I ran towards him and he was so delighted having found me. He took a deep breath and a huge sigh of relief that showed a sign of happiness after a long struggle. He held my shoulders and kept on saying, “don’t worry… don’t worry” . He told me that he and my mother loved me much and could not let me get lost. However, as soon as his temper was lowered, he raised his left hand at my back and gave me a huge stroke. His love for many days was shadowed by hatred due to the events that took place at that time.

      Although my mother tried to scold me because of the unnecessary inconvenience and worries I had caused them, my father tried to sympathize with me. He always shielded me from my mother’s scold. He could not imagine that I would have been lost never to be found again. It was the first time that I saw my mother shed tears. Her eyes looked red, she breathed heavily and I thought that her heart would come out of the chest. They seemed to be very much relieved when they finally found me, though they could not have shared this with me.

      The relationship between my parents and me was hitherto compromised from that day. More was required from me to regain back their love. I thought that because of the stroke that I received from my father as well as the scold from my mother, they would not retain the love they had for me. I, therefore, created a barrier again, because I took my parents’ actions as a sign of hatred for me. This glass barrier was present between us for a long time. Though we could talk in the normal way, I kept within myself that they did not really love me. For instance, once when my father had visited me at school, he told me that I should work hard and that he loved me very much. I refuted and even went ahead to tell him that I would not want him to come and visit me again when I was at school. This attracted a lot of negativity from my father. He was always hardworking, and he made sure that all he worked for was for my own benefit. The gap between me and my parents continued to widen. Although I never risked telling them directly, my reactions to them at specific instances could tell.

      Only later, when I was in the senior school, I came to realize how my parents loved me. I could not imagine that I could misinterpret my parents’ love for hatred again. I always attribute the circumstances of the Labor Day to my turning point towards positive thinking. Every tear that I shed on remembering that day has never signified sorrow or regret but transformation.

My father is one of the most important people in my life. I have learned a lot of from him. Some people may perceive the sharing of one’s emotions and wishes as being weak or vulnerable, but I normally did this with my father. I considered this as a sign of strength rather than a sign of weakness. He has really helped me to know more; that which I would not have known if I could not have been so close to him. I knew from the time I was young that it is from our emotions from which a great power in life is developed. No other force or challenge could ever convince me to believe otherwise. It was written in my memory with permanent ink that could not be erased. The more I opened up to my father, the more I was growing to be better.

I considered the love of my father from a multifaceted approach. His love to me was more of a friend than a dad. The one to one tutoring concerning life that he used to give me was enough evidence that he wanted me to be better and loved me more than anybody else, including himself. He could even afford not to be modest, which was highly appraised in China, for my own sake. All his struggle could, however, compromise his health due to lack of work-life balance, but he did all for my sake. This was one of the greatest happiness that I had ever experienced in life; that beyond being a parental figure, I could connect emotionally and at a personal level to my father, share my deepest fears or worries with him, have meaningful discussions, and get advice when making life decisions. This was rooted deep in our hearts as I grew up.